Today was therapy day. I wish I could say it went well but I almost feel like it was a waste of an hour (not that I had anything better to do). I froze and didn’t really know what to talk about…but I had so much to say that I didn’t. This has never happened to me before. I usually take advantage of therapy but I didn’t today.

All that I really discussed was the topic of my sister having a baby in the next 2-5 weeks. Maybe subconsciously it was what I needed. I think I’m handling the entire baby situation really well, better than I thought I would be able to. I’m actually getting really excited for her. She asked me to be in the labor and delivery room with her, which is an honor. I know it’s going to be hard for me, but I’m trying not to make it about me.

My therapist told me that I need to “mourn” the process of not being able to have my own biological child. Just like when someone passes away, you go through the different stages of grief. She believes that I am starting to accept it. Not that I’m ever going to full accept it but that I’m going to be more okay with it.

I took a 3 hours nap today, which usually means I’m starting to go into another manic depression. So I guess it’s a waiting game to see if that happens or not. I hate being so negative about it but I know the facts and my body. Other than that I don’t have anything new going on.

How is your day going?

To my new followers, welcome to Smiling Through Tears. This blog is a daily account of my struggle with mental health disorders. To all of my returning followers, thank you for supporting me and following my journey.

5 Replies to “Therapy Today”

  1. You and I have a lot in common. You should check out what I wrote yesterday. A poem reflecting that of not being able to have my own child.
    I was thrilled when my niece was born, but my sister and I had a falling out. I never see my niece anymore.
    At least you have that. That is a true honor to be with her during the delivery. God Bless, you!

    1. I’m so sorry about your sister and you. My sister and I didn’t have a relationship until the past 6 months. Weird how that works. It’s “my fault” that we can’t have children…so I’m bearing the weight of that too. It’s hard but I’m really trying to get through it. I’ll take a look at your poem from yesterday.

      1. It sucks, doesn’t it? I feel like such a let down to my husband. He’s understanding but I still feel like shit.

      2. Well, back when I was married, I wanted children so much, and I suggested adoption. That for some unknown reason didn’t go overto well with him. We ended up divorcing. At least your husband is understanding, count your blessings.

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