Welcome back to Smiling Through Tears!

This picture of a garden along the golf course was taken back in 2014 at my sister and brother-in-laws wedding. It’s not warm enough in Cleveland, OH yet for flowers like this but I love them and they make me smile. I thought maybe this picture would make someone else smile too.

The past few days haven’t gotten any better. I’m still feeling extremely down and worn out. Monday I had therapy and it was a really good session. We talked a lot about my mood cycling up and down and how I need to continue tracking it on the spreadsheet I made. I have been really bad about doing it and I need to start again. For anyone that is interested, here is a copy of what I made to track my anxiety and mood. I use a scale of 1-10 to rate how I’m doing. There is also a day for every day of the month.

Tuesday I had my yearly physical. Everything was okay for the most part. I have to lose a little weight, but I’ve already been working on that for the past few months. I’ve been eating healthier then I ever have and exercising more too. I really think the medications that I take make it hard to lose weight. I’ll keep working on it.

Today I got a bit motivated to vacuum and brush my dogs. My girls are blowing their winter coats right now and I can’t keep up with all of the vacuuming. It’s been 78º Fahrenheit out so all of the windows are open and they are loving the breeze. They have been laying by our back sliding door all day.

I still have to run to the grocery store at some point this afternoon. I don’t know why, but I don’t mind it. I believe I discussed why in a previous post but I’ll talk about it again. I don’t feel too much social anxiety while I’m there and talking with the staff helps. I have no idea why, but it help’s me to talk and for them to know who I am when I come back.

The next few days are going to be busy and I’m not looking forward to it. Tomorrow is the first night of Passover. I am not religious at all but this year I have two seders to go to. Tomorrow night Andrew and I are going to my parents for the first night of Passover. Tomorrow night won’t be to bad since it’s just my husband and me going. Saturday I am already really nervous and anxious for it. I have to go to my sisters in-laws and they are having 30 some people there. They are religious so we will have to go through the Haggadah. I hate reading in front of people and I hate having to fake a smile the entire night. This is one of the most dreaded nights I have every year. My social anxiety will be at a 10 all night and I will be counting down the minutes until we can leave. Sunday we are going to my parents house for Easter dinner. Both of my parents are Jewish but we still celebrate non-Jewish holidays for fun. It’s pretty funny that we will be eating ham during Passover. My husband is the only one who won’t eat leavened bread. He only eats Matzah during Passover.

I made salmon, broccoli, rice pilaf and fruit salad for dinner tonight. I am drained. It doesn’t take much for me to tire out. The rest of the night I plan on sitting around not doing anything. I’ll get to bed at my “normal” time to try and stay on my sleep schedule.

I hope everyone had a great day!




To my new followers, welcome to Smiling Through Tears. This blog is a daily account of my struggle with mental health disorders. To all of my returning followers, thank you for supporting me and following my journey.

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