Welcome back to Smiling Through Tears!

Isn’t this picture of my Labrador Retriever’s and my parents beagle puppy cute? I took it this morning when Daisy (the beagle puppy) was over for a playdate with Maggie (floor) and Sadie (on the dog bed next to Daisy). Watching them play is literally the only thing I’ve done all day. They act like the family room is part of an agility course. It’s crazy! I love it though and it makes me smile. I need to smile more.

I’m still in my pajamas on the couch watching TV from yesterday. That’s right, I stayed on the couch all night, unable to sleep and I am still here in my pajamas. My day is just about as bad as yesterday. I should really get up and shower but I can’t even get myself to do that. Why is a simple task so hard to do? A shower!! I feel like such a waste of space. I haven’t eaten anything other than a banana. I just want it to be night time again so I can go back to sleep.

I have a plan for tomorrow. Well at least all I can do is try and follow through with it. When I wake up, before I do anything I’m going to shower. After that I am going to come downstairs and eat a healthy breakfast. The weather is supposed to be nice in the morning so I’ll take the dogs for a nice walk. I’ll probably check my blog after that. If I can get those things done, I’ll consider it a win for the day.

People don’t understand how hard it is to do the simplest tasks when they don’t understand manic depression. It’s not their fault but it is very frustrating. I can only set small goals for myself because if I make huge goals and don’t achieve them, it makes me feel worse.

That’s about it for the day. I hope everyone is having a good day.

To my new followers, welcome to Smiling Through Tears. This blog is a daily account of my struggle with mental health disorders. To all of my returning followers, thank you for supporting me and following my journey.

7 Replies to “I’m a Waste of Space”

  1. I haven’t showered since… umm… Monday. I hear you. I just can’t do it. Today I’m still in my pj’s too. I have eaten half a pb sandwich. It’s 3pm here. I can’t crawl out of this depression no matter how hard I try. Solidarity. ❤️

    1. That’s exactly how I feel 😭 Hopefully, it changes soon. I’m really going to try hard tomorrow to do a few “simple” tasks. To me they feel like climbing a mountain but at least I can try.

      1. You go for it! I WAS trying so damn hard for a couple of weeks. I just bottomed out. I think I’m flying to Georgia, (I’m in Michigan), to be with my Dad and get some much needed sun next week. Just to get a break.

  2. I hope it all works out for you tomorrow. Taking small steps when depressed does go a long way. Wish you all the best and I hope your days get better.

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