Earlier today I blogged here about my mood this morning and what I wanted to get done today. Unfortunately, all that I got done was taking my dogs for a walk and three loads of laundry. I also canceled dinner plans with my family because I’m depressed and don’t want to do anything. I should say I literally can’t do anything when I’m like this. My energy level and mood took a dive and I’ve been sitting on the couch watching TV all day. I was hoping for one decent day. Just one.
Being depressed all the time is depressing in itself. It is so, so exhausting and takes every bit of energy that I have to stay out of bed. When I’m this down or anxious I try to work out to stimulate the release of dopamine, norepinephrine, and serotonin. These three chemicals play an important role in regulating moods. However, today I couldn’t push myself to workout. Today I’ve been downstairs all day on the couch, which I take as a huge win.
When I saw the above quote about kindness and appreciation, it really hit home. My friend’s and parent’s know the struggles that I go through every single day, yet I’m the one always asking people how they are. Is it because I’m a caring person? Do I care too much about others? Am I too nice? Do I stop asking how people are? It honestly hurts…a lot! How hard is it to say, “Hey Elizabeth, how are you today?” IT TAKES TWO MINUTES!!! It doesn’t have to become some drawn out conversation about my depression or my manic moods, but knowing that someone care’s about how I am would be really nice.
I feel really angry right now. My therapist told me that when I feel angry to stand up and walk around stomping my feet like I am throwing a tantrum. She stated that it uses up some of the negative energy that is focused on anger. I did that but I still feel like I could scream. Thankfully, my husband isn’t home because I can guarantee he would get an earful for no reason.
I know I’m not perfect and have many issues but people are so self-centered. I am so tired of it. I wish thing’s would change but I would be a fool to think they will.
To my new followers, welcome to Smiling Through Tears. This blog is a daily account of my struggle with mental health disorders. To all of my returning followers, thank you for supporting me and following my journey.