In 2012, I vacationed to Punta Cana in the Dominican Republic and stayed at The Excellence Resort. I wish there was a time capsule to take me back. This was such a magical place which was very hard to leave. Not only was the resort absolutely stunning, the food was great, the entertainment and night life were great, learning about the different cultures was amazing and best of all I met so many people who I can still call friends – who I still talk with to this day.

The sand was white, the palm trees were everywhere, the pools were never-ending and the drinks flew like water. At night, I would sneak off to the beach for a bit by myself. I would lie down on one of the beach beds and listen to the waves and felt the wind off the water blow through my hair. I could have slept on the beach every night if I could, but I never actually did.

The people I met there made me laugh more than anyone has ever made me laugh. I met people from all over the world and loved the workers. They made everything fun. There is a picture of me with one of my friends and two guys with coconuts. These two gentlemen were bartenders at the pool we spent our time at. If they saw that our drinks were empty, they brough us another pool side. They loved making people happy and that made me happy.

This vacation stands out the most because it was as if my life had begun again. Three months prior I was almost killed in a car accident. I did blog awhile back about this car accident that left me with PTSD. To this day, I have to force myself to go through the intersection that some jerk almost killed me at. But anyways… This vacation was really special. The 3 months prior were full of physical therapy and doctors appointments. Ups and downs with more downs then ups. I was severely depressed and anxious all of the time. I just wanted the pain that my body was going through to go away. I cried daily wanting things to go back to how they were before the accident. I told my family that it was going to be impossible to ever feel good again.


The quote “impossible is just an opinion” got me through so much. My therapist told me that I had to stop using the words “can’t,” “impossible,” and “what if.” I think of this quote to this day when times get hard. They may be hard at that specific minute or day in time but there is nowhere else to go but up.

When I have a hard day, I look back at the fun I had on this vacation. I remember the good times and it helps me get through the hard ones. Life’s hard. It’s very hard. I’m learning day by day that no matter what I’m going through, there is always light at the end of the tunnel.

To my new followers, welcome to Smiling Through Tears. This blog is a daily account of my struggle with mental health disorders. To all of my returning followers, thank you for supporting me and following my journey.

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