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It has been an extremely draining, scary and emotional day. I woke up doing pretty well, I made a healthy breakfast and was in a good mindset. My day was planned and I was trying to keep my manic mood under control by using my coping skills.

Around 9:00AM my neighbor pulled her car into her garage and I didn’t think she got out of it but I wasn’t sure because I wasn’t starring outside. I actually mentioned to my husband that I thought she closed the door while she was inside it but again I wasnt sure.

Around 10:00AM there were 3 police cars in front of my house and we heard them pounding on my neighbor’s door. I opened my window to talk to one of the officers to make sure everything was okay. The police said her mom called 911 so they could do a welfare check on my neighbor. I told them that she’s a nurse and works nights and we saw her pull in earlier but didn’t know if she was in the house sleeping or not. They knocked on the house door, but no answer. They knocked on the garage door, nothing. The police left, which I had a horrible feeling about. I called her and it went straight to voicemail. I left her a message to call me back that I was worried about her. She called me back fifteen minutes later and said, “what?” I asked her if she was okay and asked if she needed to talk and she literally said, “I’m tired and I’m tired of being tired. I heard if you park your car in the garage and shut the garage door and leave your car running that you will just go to sleep.” This was over 2 hours after she first pulled in the garage. My jaw dropped because I knew what I needed to do. I immediately called 911. I told them exactly what she said to me. The dispatcher had the nerve to say, “the police were just there and they didn’t find anything unusual. Are you sure they need to come back out?” SERIOUSLY?!?! I had just told her exactly what my neighbor said and that she had been in the garage with her car running for over two hours. Within a few minutes 4 police cars, 1 ambulance, 1 fire truck and the fire chief were at my neighbor’s house. It took some coercing from the police but she finally opened the garage door. The car was still running. When the EMTs and police tried to put her on the stretcher, she was flailing her body all over and screaming. They had to strap her down and sedate her. The ambulance took her to the hospital. From what I was told by the police and family members of my neighbor, she wrote a suicide note and the only reason she didn’t die after being in the garage like that for so long was because the garage is old and not insulated well.  The police and firemen told me that if I hadn’t called 911 she would have died.

My neighbors family is extremely grateful I made the dispatcher send the police back out. I know today isn’t about me, it’s about my neighbor and her well-being and getting her the help she needs. However, I can’t help but think about how angry she is going to be that I called 911 but I was and still am still happy that I did. I saved her life. She has two young children who count on her and love her, a family that loves her and friends that love her. Deep down I know I did the right thing so why do I feel so bad?

I called my therapist because I was so shaken up by everything and spoke with her for a bit. My adrenaline took awhile to go down and now im exhausted and anxious. Suicide has affected my family before I was born, but experiencing this up close has shaken me. I can’t stop thinking about it and I’m having a really hard time.

How do I get my mind off of this? I hate talking about myself after what happened today but I need help getting past this. Thank you in advance for any advice.

To my new followers, welcome to Smiling Through Tears. This blog is a daily account of my struggle with mental health disorders. To all of my returning followers, thank you for supporting me and following my journey.

2 Replies to “Don’t Ignore the Signs of Suicide”

  1. I’m behind on reading your posts so sorry I’m replying so late. I believe your neighbor will eventually be grateful to you for saving her life. Thank goodness you were insistent with the 911 operators.

    1. Jan,
      I went to visit my neighbor in the hospital on Thursday. She seems to be in a better mindset, but the hospital in transferring her to an inpatient facility. I’m happy for that because I want her to learn to cope with the stresses in her life. xoxo

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