I have an outline of topics I wanted to cover before I move onto my daily blog. However, my day has been miserable. When I say miserable I mean down.right.terrible. I woke up in a decent mood — actually in a pretty funny way. My husband and Sadie, our 2 year old lab fell asleep downstairs. Maggie, our 8 year old lab was upstairs in bed with me. Around 6:55AM, I hear “hmmm…hmmm…hmmm” in my ear. Her head was laying on my cheek. She had curled up on my husbands pillows and decided it was time to get up. Instead of jumping off the bed like she usually does, she wanted to make sure I was up. I wanted to share that because it was really cute.

I got up and took the dogs out and fed them breakfast. Of course they went back to sleep. I was really tired and cold but I made coffee and breakfast for my husband and me. I got no thank you, nothing. I think it started to make me cranky. He knows how hard the simplest things are for me.

Anyways… as the morning went on, the more I just wanted to scream. Unfortunately, Andrew was laid off from his job in October 2018 and hasn’t been able to find a new one yet. He’s home 24/7 with me and I like my alone, quiet time. I NEED that time to decompress. I know he is going through an extremely hard time and I am here for him. I am here to listen to him vent, I know he is depressed and anxious, he’s stressed out about money, etc. I am here for him. However, I will not be his verbal “punching bag” when he is in a bad mood. I know there are times where I have been down right nasty to him, but I apologize when I know I was wrong. I nicely said to him that how he was acting was hurtful, but I got nothing in return. It flipped my somewhat good mood into a terrible mood. Am I being selfish?

I packed up my laptop, my planner and a few other things. I gave each of my pups a kiss and told Andrew I would be back later. He asked why I was leaving and I told him very calmly and nicely and he shook his head. I went to my parents and hung out there for a couple hours to give both of ourselves some space.

UGH!!! It ruined my day. Something as simple as that I have not been able to shake all day. I have been in a miserable mood. I’m very cranky and just want the day to be over so I can go to sleep. I rate my anxiety a 4 (1 being the worst and 10 being the best) and my overall mood a 3.

To my new followers, welcome to Smiling Through Tears. This blog is a daily account of my struggle with mental health disorders. To all of my returning followers, thank you for supporting me and following my journey.

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