Andrew and I got married in May of 2012. It was one of the best days of my life until now. He is a good guy and puts up with a lot from me. I wish I could say that our marriage is amazing, but it isn’t. Is anyones marriage perfect? We argue a lot, we are extremely different and honestly don’t have much in common. We have gone to therapy and have tried for years to change how we talk and react to each other. Things really haven’t gotten any better.
I know I’m a lot to put up with. I have a lot of anger, sadness, mood swings and frustrations — and I take it all out on Andrew. Andrew does the same with me. Sometimes I wonder if we are past the point of fixing things. I have told him more times then I can count that I want a divorce. Where would I go? Do I really want a divorce?
I have talked with my family about it. Everyone says the same thing to me, “he is such a good guy and not many people would put up with you like he does. Where are you going to go? How are you going to support yourself and the dogs and pay bills?” These are all true things. I do not work ( I am on permanent disability). I need help. I am not happy in my marriage. I’ve been trying to figure this out the past few years. I feel like I am stuck and have nowhere to go. I feel like I am always going to be STUCK. I don’t want to be here. Any suggestions?
To my new followers, welcome to Smiling Through Tears. This blog is a daily account of my struggle with mental health disorders. To all of my returning followers, thank you for supporting me and following my journey.