As far back as elementary school, I hated school. I would beg my parents to let me stay home. I would go as far as running a thermometer under hot water until I would get a temperature around 100-101 degrees and would cry so hard that it made me vomit. Not fitting in and not being as “smart” as others really took a toll on me. Often, I would be sent home from school for being “sick.” It got to a point where I spent a lot of time in my counselors office doing my class work. A special reading class helped me catch up on comprehension skills. I felt stupid and alone. I was hoping all of that would change in middle school.

In middle school, things got really bad. I was completely alone. Middle school was a combination of several different elementary schools. I had a few best friends from elementary school that came to my middle school. At least I thought they were my friends. Things changed and they turned on me. Many of the new students became friends with my friends from elementary school. The new kids pretended to be my friend…until they decided it was time to make fun of and gang up on me. I was the center of everyones jokes and pranks. Again, I cried to my parents, begged and pretended I was sick so they would let me stay home. The kids were fake, brutally mean, intimidating, threatening, vicious, harassing, teased me non stop, used scare tactics towards me, were rude and hostile towards me. There were times that my parents had to go in and talk to the school principal because of the bullying taking place. The teachers and principals didn’t seemed to care because they didn’t do anything to stop it. What hurt the most was the fact that my two best friends growing up decided to become part of the bullying. I spent a lot of time crying alone in the bathroom at school. On graduation day, all of these students got together afterwards with their families and went out to lunch. My parents asked me if I wanted to go with them or if I wanted to go with just our family. I chose to go straight home because it was the best day of my life. I was finally free.

Over the summer of 1998 we moved to a different city. The kids and staff were so welcoming. At the beginning, I felt free at school for the first time in years. I made friends easily and always had something to do on the weekends with them. It was such a relief.

However, something still didn’t feel right…

To my new followers, welcome to Smiling Through Tears. This blog is a daily account of my struggle with mental health disorders. To all of my returning followers, thank you for supporting me and following my journey.

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